


What Can Be Said of My Heart?

by mcmirrr



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 18:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3778108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcmirrr/pseuds/mcmirrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short conversation between Simon and Kieren set after the last episode of the second season. Kieren finds out he doesn't know the entire story after all..</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Can Be Said of My Heart?

**Author's Note:**

> A fic based on a textpost by tumblr user BlueObliviate, thanks again for letting me write this :) This is my first ever published fic, so please leave any feedback if you've finished reading :)

It was too silent in the bungalow without Amy there. Kieren was lying on Simon's bed, while Simon was unpacking the backpack he had prepared earlier. Kieren was watching how Simon calmly walked around the small room, placing items in specific places every now and then, taking his time. The way Simon seemed to be in total control of his movements made Kieren feel safe and relaxed. He let his thoughts fly wherever they wanted.

    He was absolutely exhausted. The past few days had been absolutely draining. First getting accused of setting the rabid PDS sufferers free. Kieren still didn't know who had actually done that. Then Gary. The whole ordeal with the Blue Oblivion was a bit of a blur to Kieren. He remembered staggering around a field and his father's face and Jem's face.

    Kieren frowned at the thought of his little sister. She had been unable to pull the trigger on her brother for a second time. This made the first time more vivid for Kieren. He could see her fourteen-year-old face clearly now. Gun pointed at his head. Now he could see how pretty she had been even as a young girl. So brave to protect her already so damaged family. Damaged by him, by Kieren, mostly. He hovered on Jem's face for a while, sort of comparing to how it was now. She was just as pretty, maybe even prettier, and most importantly so much braver. Then he explored the flashback a little further. He found Amy's face. He preferred to think of her the way he knew her in their treated state. Always smiling, always so clever and so determined to go au naturale..

    Oh Amy.

    Kieren couldn't believe they buried her. _I'd been benched before I even got to play the game_. That's what she had said the day she told him how she had died. Now she'd been benched for the second time. It was so unfair. No one deserved life and love more than Amy Dyer.

    Kieren fumbled at the scars on his wrists without thinking. He allowed himself to close his eyes for just a minute. The tears came involuntarily and irrepressible. He pressed a violently trembling hand on his eyes to stop them from overflowing.

    Suddenly he noticed the silence pressing on him even more. He opened his eyes and looked straight into Simon's. He'd stopped unpacking to look at Kieren with a concerned expression.

    'I miss her too,' he said, breaking the silence with his low voice.  
    Kieren nodded. Of course he did. He knew he did.  
    'I'm sorry I haven't been around lately,' Simon continued.  
    Kieren stared at his hands, pulling his sleeves over his wrists, thinking of how it felt when Simon had disappeared, vanished without a word. They hadn't even talked about it yet. Not properly, anyway, because the first time Kieren had mentioned it, Philip had interrupted them with Amy in his arms..

    Kieren got up from the bed and walked restlessly to the other end of the room, thoughtfully touching a statue of Maria. Simon's eyes followed him.  
    'At least you came back,' He said eventually, and after some thought added: 'How come you appeared at the graveyard so suddenly, though?'  
    Simon took something out of his bag and put it in a drawer. He turned around to face Kieren, but the expression on his face had changed. He looked scared. It startled Kieren, but he kept his eyes on Simon's face, ready to take whatever he was about to say.  
    'I left because I was going to receive an important task from the Undead Prophet. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone so I just left,' Simon seemed done talking, but it wasn't enough for Kieren.  
    'And?' he asked.  
    'And the task was to kill the first risen on the twelfth hour on the twelfth day of the twelfth month so that there would be a second rising.'  
    Kieren thought about the way the freaky voice kept talking about the second rising.. He realised that the twelfth day of the twelfth month was the day Simon had come back.  
    'So?' he asked even further.  
    'Kieren,' Simon started, with closed eyes. He swallowed once, twice, then continued in an even lower voice, 'You were the first risen.'

    Kieren had to process this a while. They had reached a level silence that seemed to make even the air stay completely still. A stillness that was so heavy and thick that it was like a velvet curtain between Simon and Kieren.  
    Of course he had been the first risen, that is why Simon had been all focused on that part at dinner when Kieren told about how he rose from his grave..  
    The memories started to return with white flashes, like he was used to whenever he took the neurotryptaline. Only this hurt way, way more.

    The scorching feeling of the blue oblivion all over his body. The internal battle which he had very nearly lost. Being torn between the need to kill and the need to protect. His lungs had felt like he was breathing in fire. His vision was blurry and blackened at the edges, his limbs were numb and felt like they weren't listening to his mind. His brain was about to explode with all the contradicting thoughts bouncing around and a strong mist in his head trying to erase all of them.  
    Then the graveyard. The people all around him. He had tried desperately to tell his arms to tie himself to one of the graves, but they wouldn't listen.. They just wouldn't listen.  
    Jem and her gun, his father was saying something. Son..son..  
    A deafening blow and then Simon. On top of him. This he remembered clearly, he had already returned to his own mind. But there was something so important, something shiny at the edge of the memory..  
    A knife. A knife in Simon's hand. Presumably the knife he had wanted to use to kill Kieren.

    'You-,' Kieren tried to get the words out but only a whisper reached the end of his tongue, so he tried again, 'you were actually going to kill me.'  
Simon breathed in shakily, he held out his hands as if he couldn't decide if he was going to hug Kieren or protect himself from a potential attack from him.  
    'Kieren,' Simon started, but Kieren wouldn't listen. For now he was the only one who would do the talking.  
    'No,' Kieren said, slowly, 'No, you can't do this to me. You never told me anything about that stupid Prophet, and I've always said he was too intense, and you said there was what you believe and then there was me! Remember that?'  
    'Kier, please,' Simon's voice was weak and he slowly lowered his hands, 'I would do anything to make it better, I swear.'  
    'Why did you not tell me about this? You were actually going to do it as well? Why didn't you? Why didn't you kill me?' Kieren was yelling very loudly now, causing Simon to blink every time he emphasized a word, 'Simon, why didn't you kill me?'  
    Simon didn't answer. He was just staring with wide, bleak eyes.  
    'You could've,' Kieren continued, 'You could've had your precious second rising.'  
    'I tried to tell him,' Simon's voice had found it's volume a little, 'I told him, he's beautiful, I told him, I never meant-'  
    Kieren threw up his arms in frustration as Simon struggled to find the words. He couldn't believe this. Simon had always been overenthusiastic at this whole ULA thing, but he'd never ever suspected it to have been this bad. He should've seen something, should've warned Simon more about the influence this anonymous guy was having on him. And on Amy, too.  
    'Please, please just listen to me.'  
    'No!' Kieren yelled properly now and tears streamed down his cheeks, 'No I will not listen, I don't want to listen!'  
  
    He was about to storm off when he saw the expression on Simon's face.  
    Simon's eyes were large, very large, way larger than usual. His mouth was slightly ajar as he was looking up and down Kieren's body, moving closer to him. He seemed to have stopped breathing.  
    'Kier..' he whispered.  
  
    Kieren was terrified. The pure panic on Simon's face had a mirroring effect on him and he felt something was very wrong, something that had nothing to do with the argument they were having.  
    'What is it?' Kieren asked panting, feeling a cold shiver going up his spine.  
    'It looks like..' Simon looked directly into Kieren's eyes, with a mixture of affection and fear, 'Your face-'  
    As Simon was saying this, Kieren felt it.  
    The cold shiver from only seconds ago repeated itself, followed by a hot wave all over his body. His face felt warm, heated. It felt like it was reddening. It felt.. He was _feeling_. He could feel the tears on his cheeks and dripping down his neck. He started shivering all over his body and just as his legs couldn't hold him anymore, Simon grabbed his arms. Kieren's mouth felt dry and tasted like salt. He heard Simon shout something, but it sounded like he was underwater and Simon was miles away.  
  
    Just before he blacked out, he managed to whisper:  
    'Simon.. My _heart_..'


End file.
